What an eventful day it’s been. To update you since I last left I’ve been to my friends baptism between 4 and now. It was good I’ll admit that but really I just couldn’t see what everyone was so excited about. People were getting up when they got leaned back into the water and some were singing along with the songs as though their lives depended on it. I, however, was smart and didn’t get up and didn’t sing since I’m an energy saving person and really couldn’t see the point. Some may call me rude for doing this and some may call me lazy, but I honestly thought if everyone sat down and maybe people looked slightly over the other persons head there wouldn’t be such a commotion. As it finished I left the room because, for me, the mood was just too happy. You might think ‘How can it have been ‘too’ happy?’ but if you had been there you would have known what I meant. After a while people started to come out the doors and file upstairs for refreshments. Now I’ve never been a fan of Jamaican food or cuisine if you like, and growing up in a mainly white community I never ate it unless I went to my grandma or granddad’s house. Moving to Wolverhampton and only having my mother there brought on a dramatic change. No longer was I eating traditional fish and chips but instead it would be rice and peas. I stated my dislike and have been back to normality since. Now that I’ve explained that I’m not a fan you can probably guess what the refreshments were since it is largely a black community and so I didn’t eat much and subsequently starved for the evening. Soon after they had their fill the guests started to ‘fall out’ to their respective vehicles and set off for their homes and we did likewise.
Just going into my background and personality slightly I was brought up in a mixed home. One white, one black, one atheist, one Christian so there was a fair bit of conflict in my home concerning where I should be and how I should behave. I, as you can tell, am mixed race but have a white personality which made it very easy to fit in with the Hednesford community and Staffordshire at large. I was mostly shielded from my parents arguments although it wasn’t easy to miss my dad’s anger when mum started to talk about Christianity and how atheism was wrong. This lead me to growing up with mixed views on life and religion and still I struggle with whether I should be a Christian or not. When I was in school I tried my best to pass off the reason I was away every Saturday as ‘family visits’ or ‘another day out’ since I didn’t want to be tagged as a ‘church person’ or ‘weirdo’ just yet since I hadn’t made my mind up. The conflict in our home eventually led to divorce, a new house, town, friends and other things also. We moved house many times which was very disrupting for me personally and we flitted between Wolverhampton, Birmingham and Cannock so I wasn’t able to continue at my normal school. Mum came to the conclusion that Home Schooling would be the best option in our current situation and I’ve been doing it ever since. It is good and I used to miss normal School at some points but I’ve grown to accept it. When I left my other school and people asked me questions I just said ‘I’m in another school’, ‘I’m taking a break’ or I would just brush it off and not answer. I do like my new friends but I also miss my old ones and my old way of life since I can’t see them anymore. Mum also seems to expect me to obey her every whim, be a happy person 24/7 and love Christianity and that it will help me to ‘heal’ since I have a fair amount of anger towards my parents (both of them), God (if he exists) and the world in general and ‘heal’ from the divorce but I have a few questions. If Christianity does help then why did it break down our home? Why are most wars over Christianity? If God is real then does he care? Is he real at all? Now that I’m done talking about me and my life I hope you understand where I’m coming from and appreciate my views on the subject I want to hear some feedback on your own experiences on the matter and maybe some answers to my questions. If I’ve made any mistakes while typing then please let me know. Please don’t think I need anyone’s sympathy, comfort or that I’m wallowing in self pity it’s just that I need to get my feelings out to the world every once in a while so I hope you don’t mind. I’m starting to get depressed now so I’ll come back tomorrow. 再見！