Ponder

Sometimes I look back on life and get myself into these little ruts.

Could I have done better? Should I have taken that opportunity? Would I be a different person if ‘xyz’ hadn’t happened? In a different reality did I take a different route in career choices?

It’s things like these that get me down sometimes, envisioning the person I could’ve been if I’d applied myslef more, if circumstances had been different for me.

Then I realise that if I’d been any different or chosen any diffeent route that I probably wouldn’t know the people I do today, and that always lifts me a bit. I have to be grateful for the people I’ve come into contact with because of the life I’ve led, and also be grateful for the fact that although things are never perfect, they could’ve been a lot worse.

Life is reaching a stagnation point for me it seems. I’ve made my career choices, I have my plans, but of course it’s never easy achieving them, and sometimes that makes me ponder on these thoughts. Would I like an easy life? Of course I would, who wouldn’t? The key thing though that I always realise is that no matter how much pondering or thinking I do, I’ll always be stuck with my past decisions and still wake up the same guy I am today. I have to make do and try my best to further myself in what I’ve chosen, and unlike in all the sci-fi films I’ve been watching recently, it’s impossible to change the past to affect the future.

Even though I seem to fall into these low points, I guess it’s time to get back on track. Again.

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